Someone the other day said to me “I saw that picture of you and you always look so put together and good!” And I thought huh, that’s certainly not how I feel.
For those of you that don’t know me too well, I have a full time job in addition to my growing photography business. Last March, my entire company started working from home and to this day I’m still at home. I don’t know when we’ll go back into the office so this is now my life. I am an introvert so this isn’t the worst thing for me. However, there is something to be said for human interaction. I don’t need a lot of it, but I did enjoy going into the office and chatting with my coworkers. I have my husband and my kids, but sometimes it’s nice to talk to other people.
Like a lot of you, I have been doing my best to stay home. Let me be real and say that 90% of my time at home I look like shit. Just being honest. I wear a sports bra, leggings and either a sweater or long sleeve shirt (I’m always cold). I wash my hair maybe 2 times a week (although that is about the same as before working from home because let’s face it, washing hair is the WORST!). But I put a lot more effort into how I looked prior to this whole pandemic because I was going out and seeing people. There is no way I would go into the office looking like I do at home.
Funny story time: I was in my daughter’s room a few weeks ago and she had her laundry basket out and it was FULL. I looked at it and said “Em, how do you have so much laundry all the time? I don’t ever have this much?” Her response was “yeah, mom, you sleep in the clothes you wear all day and then sometimes wear them again the next day.” OUCH! It’s true, but still hurt and got me thinking: wow, how embarrassing. I could go on to defend myself here but what’s the point? You can judge me all you want, I don’t think you can judge me more than I judged myself in that moment. Working from home and not leaving the house has been hard. I have struggled with it on and off. Especially in the beginning when I was working full time at a computer with two young kids and we were all at home 24/7. Life was rough and I had several weeks where I was miserable.
Every once in a while now I have a desire to feel like a “normal human being” again. That’s not to say that some people don’t live makeup-less lives every day and enjoy it, but I enjoy wearing makeup. I just don’t see the point in doing it when I’m not going anywhere. It’s a lot of work and I’m lazy. Sometimes the days start to blend together and I get extra lazy and just need to feel like me again. It makes me feel better. I have dark circles under my eyes that make me look sickly (or so I think) and my skin has always been very dry and blotchy. When I finally do my makeup I think “wow, I clean up well” so I take a picture and every so often I share those pictures. Now I realize that sometimes that sets this standard and makes it appear that I have everything together all the time. Trust me, I don’t.
My only desire with this is to tell you that I am human and struggle with things that others don’t see. I think we all do. I also feel it is important to share those struggles to help others feel less alone. We all like to seem together, but that’s not always the case and that’s OK. I hope that this has struck a chord with someone (and please I’d love it if you shared it with me).
One last note: I see other women post photos of themselves with no makeup and I always think “wow, they are naturally beautiful!” One of our greatest weaknesses is not being able to see ourselves in the same light. I am working on self appreciation and self love. It takes small steps to make a change so I’m starting with this. This is me and it makes me happy to share a little bit of myself with you.